sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
