Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Randomize
