Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
