so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Sober January is a disaster.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
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