Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Randomize
