FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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