I want to make a zoo with you.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Houston, we have a blender
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Randomize
