yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Randomize
