I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
