Where is the hickey?
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
false alarm, still single
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
