You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
