new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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