Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Randomize
