I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Dear god my vagina.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
