I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Randomize
