I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
