I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Randomize
