she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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