I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
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