Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
did i walk over a car last night?
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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