So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
