just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
