first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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