god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
