i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
