can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Send help, water and tortillas.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Randomize
