STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
