Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
