Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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