I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
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