Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
