I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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