the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
