So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Randomize
