We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
