Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
