i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
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