I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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