you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
