your thong is hanging out like whoa
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
