so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
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