So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
