Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
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