I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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