I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
