She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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