Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
