how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
