U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
