I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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