I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
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