STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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