i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
