We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
