I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
im calling her cock vulture from now on
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
